Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002) – I saw this the day I graduated high school and I thought it was the weirdest Star Wars film ever. Between its super-polished look and the fact that I think it’s the darkest film of the six with kind of a weird plot, it was my least favorite flick. Time has been kinder to it and I liked it a lot more this time around because of its tighter editing and tighter aesthetics.
10:37PM – These discs are a pain in the butt to retrieve from their sleeves.
10:40PM – I’m reminded that Brian De Palma hated the original Star Wars‘ crawl. I don’t think George had anyone over his shoulder telling him that this one sucked.
10:47PM – Jar Jar appears on screen, head explodes in violent mess. Wait, no… no, that didn’t happen. This is also the beginning of the ‘couch warfare’ that pervades this and Episode III.
10:55PM – This chase sequence on Coruscant is one of the darkest scenes in all of Star Wars. Not just because it’s night, of course.
11:08PM – Anakin: WHINE. WHINE. WHINE. WHINE. OBI-WAN SUCKS. WHINE. Could Lucas have portrayed Anakin’s creeper-style transition to the dark side in a more dreadful way? I don’t think so.
11:16PM – Obi-wan is trying to find Kamino, where the Republic’s clone army is being built. He mulls an empty sector on a galactic map where neighboring stars are being affected by something in its vast, empty center. And yet somehow, OBI-WAN NEEDS A SIX-YEAR OLD TO CONFIRM THAT KAMINO MIGHT STILL BE THERE. IN THE CENTER OF THIS BIG EMPTY SPACE. RIGHT THERE. *points* GO THERE, OBI-WAN, I BET IT’S STILL THERE.
11:21PM – …at least Kamino and its inhabitants are creatively implemented. Large, round, pale hallways, the entire world is awesome.
11:24PM – “I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. It’s not like you…”
11:28PM – Padme and Anakin frolic on a field of COW-TICKS!!!!!!!! I want five!
11:33PM – Padme and Anakin in a dark room, awwwwww yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah! I remember hooting and hollering when we saw this in theaters.
11:43PM – Seeing Watto at his best with a cute little hat and a pile of junk. How the mighty have fallen.
11:46PM – So going back to that sound design compliment earlier, this asteroid field sequence is easily one of my favorites. Although it only happens twice, Jango Fett deploys two plasma charges. When they detonate, it is completely silent, but then they explode with an incredible roar. Easily my favorite aural sequence in all of the films.
11:53PM – Cliegg Lars, as played by Australian actor Jack Thompson, probably gives the best performance of this entire film, along with Christopher Lee as Dooku. While Dooku is serviced by some unfortunate dialogue, Cliegg Lars in this film seems like the only person in this entire prequel trilogy that isn’t just reading off a script.
11:58PM – Anakin arrives just in time for his mother to die in the raiders’ camp, or does he kill her through his intervention? Debate!
12:00AM – MURDER! MURDER ALL THOSE TUSKEN RAIDERS! This is Anakin’s first slide toward becoming Darth Vader!
12:04AM – …but then be all mopey about it. It’s not difficult to ponder how much more powerful this scene could’ve been with a better actor/director.
12:13AM – Jar Jar’s comic relief for the movie: “Senate! Dellow Felegates!”
12:18AM – Conveyor belt madness! Lucas mines nostalgia by having C3PO and R2-D2 get in trouble with crazy antics. Also: R2 can fly? Huh?
12:27AM – The pit fight is actually pretty imaginative and ultimately what the podrace in Episode I should’ve been.
12:33AM – “You call this a diplomatic solution?” “No, I call this aggressive negotiations!” It’s obvious that this Jedi/droid fight has gone on far too long at this point, which leads us to…
12:37AM – A massive clone/droid fight! Apparently Lucas didn’t even know how to fill in a lot of the action here, so he just let the ILM guys do kinda whatever they wanted. This is sort what I envisioned Star Wars: Battlefront to be, if the levels weren’t dinky affairs and capped at 32 people (well, 50 on PC).
12:47AM – Awwwwww, shiiiiii- YODA IS IN THE BUILDING! Strangely, he lets Dooku flee in favor of saving Obi-wan and Anakin from a massive, falling pillar. I thought the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few? Oh, wait, wrong franchise.
12:54AM – Bail Organa and Palpatine watch as clones load into proto-Star Destroyers while the Imperial March plays overhead. Meanwhile, after a creepy relationship in the first half of the film, Padme and Anakin secretly marry. Bridge those trilogies, George!
Don't Keep This a
Secret, Share It