Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005) – My opinion hasn’t shifted much on this flick because it spends a lot of time paying tribute to the original trilogy, while a fatal flaw in the previous two flicks, is okay here as this is truly the last Star Wars film that will ever be made. This one features the best special effects and while it carries a lot of the previous two films’ excess amounts of exposition and clunky, childish dialogue, it overcomes that by simply being, y’know, the last one. It’s silly, but whatever. I saw this film twice during E3 in 2005, the first time in Universal Studios – Hollywood and the second time at the exquisite Arclight Theater, in which I nearly fell asleep a few times.
12:57AM – These stupid… discs don’t get… any easier to pull out…! Entering that fatal 16-20 hour period awake, feeling the burn. Time for a bathroom break and we’re off!
1:02AM – War! The best way to start a Star Wars crawl. Srs. We start with a noisy battle sequence, our only bastion of hope before we spend all that time inside Grievous’ ship (which was even longer before they deleted a lot of sub-scenes!). Proto-X-Wings (let’s just assume Lucas is just ignoring the Z-95 Headhunter) and proto-TIE Fighters are siiiiiick.
1:08AM – …too bad the whole thing is weighed down by the stupid buzz droid debacle. Despite only being six years between the release of Episodes I and III, Ewan McGregor looks much more mature as Obi-wan.
1:13AM – R2 torches two dudes with powers that will never be seen again. I still don’t know how I feel about that. Palpatine begins his descent into the Emperor role with his vile “Do it!”, ordering Anakin to execute Count Dooku.
1:20AM – “Activate the ray shields!” (Suddenly in hallway, Palpatine, Anakin, and Obi-wan are surrounded by a white, glowing orb.) “Ray shields!”
1:23AM – So after a big battle on the bridge, the Jedi decide to crash land Grievous’ ship in one of the most unnecessary sequences in all of Star Wars.
1:27AM – So you have a wife with Princess Leia buns for hair and she’s soooo hot and spontaneously announces that she’s pregnant! What would you do?
1:32AM – “You’re so beautiful!” “It’s only because I’m so in love!” Oh George, you romantic! That gem comes before a strange moment in Star Wars canon where Anakin’s dream of losing Padme is visualized. Also, they have a super cool apartment.
1:39AM – Sammy Jackson just told Anakin to sit DOWN! That’s the most exciting thing that’s happened in the past twenty minutes, which have consisted of two people walking down halls, or two people standing still chatting, or two people walking down a hall. The backgrounds are nearly 100% CGI , which sorta drains the credibility of the production, personally.
1:43AM – OMG, Padme is talking about government again? I thought we ditched that a few hours ago in Episode I. Now we enter the aquatic opera scene that I almost fell asleep during my second viewing. “Leave us.” Palpatine says, before going into a mythic story about Anakin’s conception, the most bizarre ‘birds and bees’ story ever. If you ever need a guy to win you over to the dark side of the Force, Palpatine’s your man!
1:50AM – The Battle of Kashyyyk, among many elements of the film, just feels like universe building, rather than for the sake of story. Looks great, though.
1:58AM – NO, NO! I forgot the barking iguana! OH NO! Obi-wan battles Grievous and then descends into bike ride down- NO NOT THE IGUANA AGAIN! Before cutting away, we have to know that a clone trooper picked up Obi-wan’s dropped lightsaber. That was probably $100,000 to do that scene, just for that.
2:03AM – Aayla Secura is the sexiest Jedi. Google it.
2:06AM – Anakin finally figures out, after all those hints he dropped, that Palpatine is a Sith! Oh, and slipping into Emperor intonation? So awesome. Cutting back to BARKING IGUANA fighting Grievous on a motorcycle and I recall almost falling asleep to this, too. Not quite there yet….
2:13AM – Mace Windu and his limited posse of remaining Jedi march on Palpatine to arrest him, but OH SNAP, he’s ready to whip them down! His facial expressions are absolute madness! Now that Anakin has chosen Palpatine’s side, he quickly folds as a Sith adherent, which is easily the sloppiest aspect of his transition to the dark side.
2:22AM – Anakin’s march on the Jedi Temple, ready to murder Jedi Knights and younglings alike, is intercut with the execution of Order 66: the galactic-wide destruction of all Jedi. I am saved from complete despair by the fact that THEY NAILED THAT STUPID IGUANA WITH A HUGE CANNON! AW YEAH!
2:28AM – Seeing the pearly white corridors of the Tantive IV is so awesome. George said that it was one of the few practical sets they did (rather than green screening) and they got a huge positive reaction. Well duh.
2:34AM – Anakin arrives on the volcanic world of Mustafar to get his murderin’ on!
2:38AM – “So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause.” Shut up, Padme.
2:42AM – “Anakin is the father? I’m so sorry.” Next shot: Anakin broods, crying. So deep.
2:46AM – [Anakin on being evil and turning to the dark side] “I’m doing this for you, to protect you!” “Anakin, you’re breaking my heart!” [proceeds to try and kill Padme]
2:49AM – Here we go, the climax of the film: the overly drawn out Obi-wan vs. Anakin fight plus the super cool fight between Yoda and Palpatine! Watching Yoda wave an arm and send the guards against the wall gets a holler every time.
2:56AM – Crap, the Yoda/Palpatine duel is over and now we’re stuck with our two Jedi whipping blue sticks against each other for the next five minutes as their volcanic battleground disintegrates around them. Hrm. So Yoda drops into Organa’s hot rod and says “Into exile I must go, failed I have,” in which all he would’ve had to do in a really good film is just give him a disappointed look to Organa and gone from there.
3:01AM – Anakin Skywalker, eyes orange with evil, is left to die by fire. “I hate you!” he says, probably his best acting in his entire Star Wars career.
3:06AM – George kills off Padme for reasons only slightly less ridiculous than ‘a vending machine fell on her’. Watching Darth Vader being born is pretty cool at least. Hearing the whistle of air escaping his helmet as it pressurizes, then the… ho… per… ho… per… Well, then we get…
3:09AM – “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Darth Vader’s worst line. I’m so sorry, James Earl Jones.
3:11AM – More bridge-building to Episode IV between Yoda and Obi-wan. The frame of the Death Star hanging in space as Darth Vader and the Emperor look on, so sexy. Leia to Alderaan, Luke to Tatooine as their respective themes play. And now the prequel trilogy is done!
3:16AM – Time for another bathroom break and my head begins to numb up under the lure of sleep. It’s going to be so bizarre to watch a film that’s 30 years older now. I’m almost at a loss for words on what to expect…
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