Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980) – Growing up, I always thought this was the boring one. The detail here is much more subtle than its prequel, so I imagine maturity helps the perspective as this is often-hailed as the series’ best entry. The lack of a distinct beginning or end is distracting, though. It’s just a chopped off middle slab of the series.
5:45AM – This movie had a much more impressive budget this time and Irvin Kershner as director, already a good start here as we fly over the frozen, non-CGI wastes. The way Han works off Leia is so subtle. It’s so great. So awesome. Seriously.
5:54AM – “Your tauntaun will freeze before you reach the third marker!” “Then I’ll see you in hell!” So what if they had just left Luke there to die in the cold? That would’ve screwed things up.
6:01AM – Leia totally kissed Luke! Ewwwwww!
6:03AM – OMG, MY LOVE: The Executor!
6:07AM – “You are in command now, ADMIRAL Piett.” “Uh, yes, me lord.” Rank up quick during the war! Thanks Vader!
6:13AM – Battle of Hoth well in progress, Rebels are getting the tar smacked out of them!
6:20AM – Heavier yawns settling in now, first pale light of day appearing outside. Then Luke just stole an X-Wing for his own perverse reasons while the Millennium Falcon has its own problems! Help out, Luke!
6:25AM – Luke crash lands in Dagobah swamp, I feel like doing the same. Urgh, be stronger… R2 gets eaten by swamp monster, kinda. Maybe he wishes he had a jet pack now!
6:30AM – Romantic tension between Leia and Han surfacing! Seeing Darth Vader’s naked head reminds us he’s human, one thought Padme Amidala was an angel. Now it’s time for Yoda. I like the puppet here, it’s kind of an old school thing, something so strange for the series. The way he searches through Luke’s stuff makes me think he’s gone insane here since ‘in exile he went’.
6:35AM – I totally forgot how much Han hit on Leia in this film. I think he should revert to Anakin-style creepy to pick her up. Padme fell for it, but she was an idiot, too.
6:48AM – Off-screen: It is getting super bright in here. Darth Vader is stumbling around the corner in the cave. This Anakin v. Vader part on Dagobah didn’t make any sense to me as a kid.
6:54AM – For those of us who believe in using the Force (not me, of course, I’m from the real Earth, where things actually happen) having Yoda as that spiritual reverend is an asset. Watch that X-Wing rise, Yoda knows where it’s at-oh man I’m so tired. “I don’t believe it!” “That is why you fail.”
6:58AM – So C3PO goes on this ramble and they shut him off. Let’s revise history a little, okay? What if Jar Jar were a flappy-eared Rastafarian RoboCop of sorts? We could shut him off. WELL WHY NOT?
7:06AM – I always thought Cloud City was the coolest. Yoda and Obi-wan brow beat Luke for doing the same stuff his dad did: being a whiny punk. Whatever.
7:12AM – Lando betrays Han, Leia, and Chewie. It’s the worst thing, it made me hate Lando forever, too.
7:19AM – And now they’re gonna end up freezing Han. OMG, I’m losing my consciousness quick. Second wind, arrive! Having those long blinks where I have to forget my eyes to stay open. Urggggh.
7:27AM – Boba Fett carries Han away in the same vehicle in which his father almost killed Obi-wan. It’s a small, artificially smallerized universe!
7:32AM – HOLY COW R2 IS A FOG MACHINE. PARTY AT ARTOO’S PLACE!!!!
7:35AM – Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father? There’s a lot of implications there. Darth Vader on his son falling down that massive shaft toward oblivion? “Eh, whatever.”. This is the best shot Star Wars film pretty much. Off-screen: More eye pops, need something stronger.
7:40AM – That hyper drive just can’t stay fixed! Obi-wan would know how to help!
7:46AM – And with a sweep of the medical frigate, it’s done. All of it. Except for this last one. I need to kick myself a few times to get going, hit up the restroom one last time. One more, I can do it!
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